I now accept that I will never know the identity of my grandfather
Some mysteries are not meant to be solved.
I previously posted about how my search for my ethnic background brought big disappointments.
Why I cared
There are a couple of reasons why I cared about finding my biological grandfather.
I do not want to marry my cousin.
I think this is my best reason on the list. People who are adopted, I am sure can relate to this point.
It is probably not so farfetched that if this man fathered a child with my grandma, he fathered other children with other women. There are other people walking around who have the same grandfather as me, and we have no idea who each other is.
The Mystery is intriguing.
There is no record of my biological father’s birth. I know that he exists, I have seen his Facebook page. But there is no one with his name or birthday on Ancestry.
There is no record of my grandmother’s death.
I know she exists, too. I met her when I was a baby, although I have no memory of this. I found a record of her birth; her mother allegedly gave birth to her at age 49. I am not saying that it is impossible to give birth at 49 years old, I know it is not. But, it does seem unlikely that my grandmother’s mother gave birth over a 25-year span.
Why I am stopping the search.
I am stopping my search for a few reasons. The main reason is that I have spent hours upon hours for six years, trying to sift through Ancestry records and family trees. I have a relatively short attention span, but this rabbit hole sucks me in.
I easily lose three hours as I attempt to disentangle the complex weave that is my family tree. There are other reasons that I am stopping the search, but the biggest reason is the loss of time that I experience.
Her relatives keep dying.
According to Ancestry, my biological grandmother has 10–15 siblings.
As I continued my search, her siblings kept dying.
My grandmother had allegedly had another son with the same father as my biological father. But he died unexpectedly during my search, at the age of 50. I wonder if the universe is telling me to stop.
My search has uncovered disturbing facts.
I have uncovered shocking secrets about my family in this search. Although I cannot find birth records, I have found a series of court records that made my jaw drop. Without saying too much, my family members have done shocking things.
I do not know if he is dead or alive.
I do not know if this man, whoever he is, is dead or alive. As time passes, the likelihood of him being alive is dwindling.
When I contact relatives on Ancestry, they ignore me.
When a new relative pops up on Ancestry, I contact them. I have a few second cousins. A couple responded, were deeply confused, then began ignoring me. Some never answered. Either the person has no idea or they do not want this secret to get out.
My gut tells me that this is some kind of deep family secret, that this man has/had a family, and this information would tear that family apart.
What will knowing the identity of my grandfather achieve? In a Hallmark movie situation, he would be alive, we would meet, and he would say he is so proud of my accomplishments. But realistically, he was not in my biological father’s life, why would he be in mine?
Instead, I choose to enjoy the family that I do have on this Earth. That means living without a grandfather around.
I am living in the present and looking forward to the future, I am done trying to rewrite the past.
